Everyone suffers with feelings of anxiety, it’s natures way of keeping us alive to a large extent, anxiety makes us respond in an appropriate way to circumstances that may signify danger. The Adrenalin pumps through our bodies and enables us to be prepared for whatever ensues, be it to fight the problem or flee from it, either way, that rush of Adrenalin and hormones enable us to take action.
Yep….all of these!
So, not only is it perfectly normal, it’s actually essential! But what about if it gets out of control and takes over every second of your entire existence? I experience anxiety and depression and very often the two come hand in hand, the anxiety, for me anyway, always accompanies the depression, but sometimes the constant feeling of anxiety takes over and makes an appearance all on it’s own.
That’s where I’m at right now, that feeling that your heart will burst out of your chest, breathing hard and never feeling your lungs are actually filling with air, the worms that seem to burrow through your brain causing, what feel like, tiny electric shocks and, for me, the swallowing reflex completely fails and I choke on nearly everything I eat. All of that along with the lack of appetite and the constant stomach churning, the feeling we have when we receive bad news, all constant and overwhelming.
It’s always there, relax isn’t a word in my repertoire at the moment, if it ever is? And it’s been going on for weeks, with no respite even when I’m asleep, spending every night constantly waking and tossing and turning trying to get some kind of rest.
Then, finally, waking from a fitful nights sleep only to realise that it’s still there, still gut wrenching, still brain frazzlingly agitated and no escape.
For all my girls reading this, just might help a little….an antidote maybe?
Sympathise with me if you wish to but I’m not writing this because I want sympathy, it’s part of my life occasionally and I accept that. I am writing this because so many people I know seem to think I have it all together when nothing could be further from the truth, and that’s ok. I want to be honest about my mental health and the things I struggle with because it may help someone to understand that it’s ok to have these challenges. None of us are immune from depressions or anxiety, it can strike out of the blue, at any time, for anyone.
And if you’re a fellow sufferer, this may all be cold comfort, but remember the times when you felt ok, not fantastic maybe, but just ok, and, to be honest, just feeling ok is occasionally all we strive for and would be perfectly happy to achieve.
Life does go on, there are good times and bad times and one will always outweigh the other whether good or bad, but we come through the other end and, at those times, we need to live life for all we’re worth while we can.
This feeling will pass, I don’t know when, so for now I need to carry on operating in the best way I can and not be hard on myself because some things just seem too hard. And I want you to do the same if those feelings start to overwhelm you again, get through today but live knowing all will be well again eventually.
To all my fellow depression and anxiety suffers, I understand totally and will always love you through it if you need me…….