Recently heard in ‘The Mad Shanks Residence’ was an argument between Mirie and Nikita. Had one of them stolen the other ones clothes again? No, nothing as life threatening as that, this was about Mirie having her feet up on the coffee table (yes, we allow that in our house under the right circumstances) and Nikita wanting to get through to the sitting room.
The moment of truth!…..bless them!
Let me explain, our house is very ‘open plan’ and Nikita could have walked through the kitchen, the long way round(!) in order to access the sitting room but as Mirie was comfortable and had her feet up, Nikita had the choice to step over or take the other route. Much in the same way, Mirie had the choice to remove her feet and let Nikita through or refuse to move and make her walk round or step over. Impasse!
So, was this stroppiness or something else? I listened with amusement at the pair of them arguing their point and neither of them budging, it went on for about 5 minutes. Why was I amused? Because I was well aware that whilst stubbornness was playing a small role in this scenario, the main issue was what was going on in their heads. With both of them being on the autism spectrum, they both had their own ‘plays’ running in their heads and the knowledge of how their brains work makes life simpler for those on the outside looking in.
Did I intervene? No, I knew it was the same impossible situation I’ve encountered endlessly with all of them as they’ve grown up. You see, they have a picture in their brain which must be adhered to (hence the lack of ability to manage change) and neither of them had the ability to change this picture. This was a tiny issue but imagine the agony for someone with this particular brain wiring when something major changes?
It’s not always stubbornness, sometimes we have to understand the way a person ticks in order to not arrive at the wrong conclusion. Food for thought maybe?