B & Q, a story and a principle!

 

B & Q…Funny and sad..

Below you’ll find a funny story.  It’s quite long but worth reading to the end as it’s hilarious!  Things we would all love to say but daren’t.  I don’t know how true the story is but it made me laugh and I wanted to give everyone a giggle today.  Underneath the story though is a principle and sad state of affairs that I personally find frustrating.
 
I love going to B & Q, it’s my favourite DIY store. Why?  Because they employ a lot of older men…..and no….I’m not into older men!  They do, however, posess an enormous amount of knowledge.  As a single mum with only one male in the house I have to do a lot of DIY myself.  Osborn, whilst very willing, struggles physically with a lot of practical tasks so isn’t best placed to do some jobs around the house.
 
 

Excellent advice from guys like this!

Knowledge!

Every time I visit B & Q for an item required for some kind of repair work I inevitably end up staring at the huge array of seemingly suitable items, scratching my head wondering which would work best?  As we all know, nothing is ever as simple as we believe at will be.  Even buying a pack of screws recently presented me with the challenge of which was the right one for the job!  Enter lovely,polite, elderly gentleman who asks if I need any assistance.  “Heck yes!”
 
He proceeds to question me about all aspects of the task in hand and not only advises me as to which item will perform the task in the best way but then carries on with detailed instructions of how to do it and what pitfalls I may encounter!  I wish I could take him home with me!
 

No disrespect…

…and I really do mean no disrespect.  I don’t believe for a moment that our younger generations lack of practical ability is their fault, but there does seem to be a distinct lack of knowledge being passed down from father to son in the current generation?  I dread having to ask a young person for advice becasue it inevitably ends up with them having to find someone else who actually knows the answer.  Not all of them obvioulsy but give me a guy in his seventies any day if I need help with something.
 
So, congratulations to B & Q for having the foresight to employ older people.  We are all too eager in society to dismiss the wisdom of our older generations where we should really value them highly for their many years of wisdom.  My uncle has spent many years restoring classic cars for a living and has skills that the younger guys working at his old job just can’t do.  They’re constantly ringing him for advice or even to go in and do a job no-one else can….he’s 81.
 
Enjoy the story below…it is funny…but remember the next time you want to know how to do something, it’s propbably worth asking someone considerably older than you for advice.  They’ve been there in the frugal years after the war where ‘make do and mend’ was the philosphy and they had to learn how.
 

B & Q…..keep up the good work!!

 
Not a Scum Bag, But a Legend
B&Q JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny….
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but 1 am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITON: Company’s Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever’s available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying in the first place – would I?
DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITON HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here’?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no. On my breaks – yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes. absolutely.
——————————————-
After landing my new job as a B & Q “Greeter – a good find for many retirees. I lasted less than a day . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bognor babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to B & Q.” I then said,”Nice children you have there. Are they twins?” The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “No, they ain’t effin twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7, why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?” I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn’t believe someone shagged you twice… Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B & Q.”
My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.
***Old People Rock!***

 
 

 

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