Farting…today’s hot topic!!

To Fart or not to Fart?

Yes, you read that right…..my first blog of the year is all about farting!  Not the classiest of subjects but the debate about farting has been raging in The Mad Shanks Residence for weeks now and needs to be publicly addressed.

Oooooooh…..poo molecules, as Mirie calls them!!

Call me ‘old fashioned’ but, to me, farting is something that should be kept private, apart from, that is, the occasional one that sneaks up on one and is out there before your brain has a chance to even think the word ‘squeeze’!  We all do them, whether we like to admit it or not is another matter but, everyone farts, involuntarily maybe, but it still happens.

The argument raging in our house at the moment is when and where it is appropriate and OK to ‘let rip’ without any sense of remorse or wrong doing, to even, dare I suggest….derive pleasure and amusement from the act?  

The main thrust of the debate, which is largely between Osborn and myself, is that he feels that farting should never be frowned upon as it’s a natural bodily function.  My own take on it is that as it’s generally thought of as something that is quite ‘naughty’, and therefore, funny,  it should be conducted in a way that doesn’t offend any people present who may take exception.

I guess this brings us nicely onto the difference between the ‘silent and deadly’ ones and the loud and proud ones.  A quick aside…..I wonder if any research has been done on why the silent ones seem to smell so much worse than the loud ones?  I’m sure there is a research institute somewhere on this planet that is conducting tests on sprout fed human guinea pigs to test this theory in the name of scientific research.  I can imagine a lot of schoolboy type laughter in a area with lots of wide open windows!

But, back to the question of whether farting in company is OK.  I say not, unless it’s an involuntary one and is followed with a profusion of apologies to the assembled crowd and much apologetic wafting.  If you feel one coming on, then excuse yourself to another area or make a subtle visit to the loo and let rip to your hearts delight.

I like to think that I’ve tried to bring my children up to understand that polite society has certain boundaries that should be observed out of nothing more than basic respect for the people they are with.  Of course, when I was undertaking this objective, it was without taking into consideration the impact their autism would have on my teachings.

For my kids it seems, natural bodily function equals OK to do it.  Black and white, and why do we have to be polite and observe certain social rules anyway?  Who made these rules up and do they still apply in modern day society?  The questions are endless and not without validity, it’s that some things ‘just are’ if you want to be generally accepted and make your way through life with a little less debate.  This in itself is another one that people on the spectrum appear to love, the debate itself is all part of the fun!

So where does this leave us?  Well, note to Jamie….no, I do not consider it OK for you to sit on Osborn’s face and then fart on it.  Osborn….I still don’t find it acceptable for you to fart at home without doing your best to contain it and then apologising profusely if it escapes anyway.  And what about farting in public areas?  Well, I guess the deadly one you silently release in the frozen aisle in Tesco and then quickly retreat to the bread aisle leaving it in your wake is OK if you don’t get caught!  Just hope they don’t have infra red cameras in the security office!

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