Things men need to know!
We’re trying to train Osborn, in itself a mammoth task. No, I’m not talking about plastic explosives again, he’s still on that one under my watchful eye. I’m talking about women and his apparent lack of knowledge about how to deal with them in spite of the fact he’s grown up his entire life with seven of them. You’d think he would have picked up a few pointers along the way, but no, he’s a typical male and along with his autism he’s managed to learn or accept…nothing!
If he doesn’t understand?
Well, if he hasn’t managed to learn anything then there’s no hope for your average male. The only thing he does seem to have picked quite well is that there are certain times of the month when a simple ‘Good morning’ will be greeted by Rotweiler-esk response. Instead of just keeping his distance though, his response is to square up to the perpetrator and ask ‘Are you on your period?’. Even when greeted by more snarling his answer is normally a very matter of fact ‘ You are then’. The female in question then flounces off with a ‘HUH…how dare you?!’ thrown over her shoulder and he just shrugs and gets on with his day.
We’re trying to teach him that when a girl asks ‘Does my bum look big in this?’, the safe response is ‘No, of course not!’, his reply is normally something along the lines of ‘Hmmmm, are those jeans too small for you?’. I suppose it’s not helped by the fact that every woman when asking this question sticks her bum out as far as it will go accentuating the perceived size. I get the feeling he doesn’t even understand the question never mind know what the appropriate response is.
A point in question
Last night Jamie was going out. She came downstairs hopping and jumping like a maniac trying to get into a pair of jeans that fitted her a few weeks ago. She lost a huge amount of weight whilst working away and looked emaciated so I’m delighted that she is starting to get her beautiful figure back having put on a few pounds since returning. She’s happy too. Anyway, having managed to haul herself into the jeans and managing to zip them up by lying on the floor she stood up with some difficulty and asked us if they looked better turned up at the bottom or left down. The assembled females looked critically at both legs and all agreed that turned up was better. Osborn just muttered from somewhere in the background that he ‘Didn’t give a s**t’.
We all rounded on him immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that when he has a girlfriend and she asks a similar question he will need to very much ‘give a s**t’ unless he wants to have sex withheld for the following month! At 14 he can’t see this as being a big deal in spite of our assurances that at some point in the future he will indeed care very much!
Ultimately Jamie decided that her dark (and larger) jeans would look much better anyway as her breathing was being severely restricted in the ones she was wearing.
We’ll continue working on him but I fear to no avail! We’re just trying to teach him ‘female speak’ and how to interpret it along with the appropriate response but most men seem to live by their own rules in spite of the ramifications of their actions. Be warned guys….these rules don’t work!!