Passive Suicide Part 4: Baby Steps
Back to the CFT and how it helped. A miracle cure? No. A different and more helpful way of thinking? Yes.
Sometimes our thinking just needs a gentle nudge in order for us to perceive things in a slightly different (and maybe better) way. Sometimes we hear just one sentence and it creates a shift in our minds, sometimes it’s a film we watch and sometimes it just comes to us out of the blue. It doesn’t really matter as long as it causes us to look at our circumstances or attitude in a slightly different way, which then causes us to change our unhelpful behaviours.
CFT stands for ‘Compassion Focused Therapy’, its job is to allow us to accept ourselves, understand that our brains can be very unhelpful at times and create kinder thinking patterns. If anyone could hear the things I say to myself in my head they would believe I was the nastiest person on the planet! And yet, I would never dream of saying anything as hurtful to another person as I understand the damage it could cause. So, why do I think its OK to speak to myself so harshly and criticise myself constantly in the way I do?
Because I think it’s ok and that I deserve it! Most people I know are their own worst critic and see this as being totally acceptable and not in the least bit harmful, after all, it doesn’t matter what we say to ourselves does it?
Well yes, actually it does. We influence our thinking, and therefore, behaviour with our own internal words as much as other peoples words influence us. Understanding that one thing, can really change our lives for the better, so it’s important we understand the imperative behind this reality.
The problem with the way our brains work is that our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality, it will work on whatever information it’s given. Give it good instructions and it will work on those, therefore, giving you better outcomes, feed it bad instructions and it will, again, act accordingly and give you exactly what you’ve told it you expect!
Everything always comes straight back to our thinking, our minds control our behaviours, attitudes and beliefs and, therefore, our actions. It doesn’t matter how humble your beginnings may have been, your thinking can take you to wherever you want to be in life. We are in complete control, to some people that is the best news there could possibly be, to others it’s the most terrifying thing you could tell them. The good news is, whichever way you think, you have the power to change it, the even better news is that it’s not that hard!
I’m on this path right now, am I excited about it? Not really, my current mental state makes it hard to get excited about anything. Will I keep on it? Absolutely yes, I know I have to get past this tricky phase of knowing I must do it and not really having the motivation to follow through with it. The alternative though is to keep living my life as it is now, maybe that realisation is sobering and upsetting enough to be the thing that is actually keeping me going. I don’t want to feel like this any longer and now that I’ve accepted that I probably will crank on for a few more years yet, I would rather live those years with a full happy life.
And it doesn’t matter what motivates you, it can be something that appears to be quite insignificant to others but whatever is real to you is all that’s needed. If you’re in a bad place, your first job is to find something, anything that means something to you and then use that to start making the first tiny baby steps towards recovery.
Film: ‘Kingdom of Us’ Netflix: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc8_spETMBY&t=18s
TED Talk: ‘Why my autistic children don’t need a cure’ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xts1F-PoUNA&t=14s
Book: ‘Unravelled’ Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Unravelled-inspirational-story-journey-darkness-ebook/dp/B00L1ENC0O/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1550053166&sr=8-1
